Month: June 2016

Rookie Mag Post on Aromanticism


Queer Christians: Celibacy and Sexuality as Choice

The Thinking Aro

I stay relatively out of touch with mainstream media, including TV, movies, and music, but recently, I heard about this upcoming reality TV show scheduled to air on TLC called “My Husband is Not Gay.” Apparently, it’s about Mormon families in which the husband acknowledges that he experiences sexual attraction to men, but has chosen to live in a heterosexual marriage because of his religious beliefs. A lot of people are upset about the show and want it cancelled, on the grounds that it presents negative messages to LGBQ people about queer sexuality and endorses the idea promoted in most Christian churches that homosexuality is a choice.

I’ve been thinking about writing a post on voluntary celibacy as a valid choice for sexual people to make, especially in the form of choosing a nonromantic + nonsexual primary relationship, ever since I discovered the blog A Queer Calling

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An Aromantic Perspective: Feeling Emotionally Attracted to People

Beautiful post about emotional attraction!

Flying While Falling Down


Attraction is a very tough subject to explore because it’s so heavily dependent on individual experiences. However, it’s also a subject that’s being brought up more and more as people are getting more in touch with who they are and what they want out of the people and world around them.

One of the biggest questions about aromantic asexuals, in particular, seems to be how we know when we’re in love with someone and how those feelings differ from simple friendship.

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6 Things That Made Me Realize I’m an Aromantic Asexual

Flying While Falling Down

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Sometimes when I think about how long it took me to figure out my orientation and identity, I’m absolutely astounded. I was raised in a very conservative(not necessarily political, but highly religious/traditionalist) household and discovering these different aspects of myself has led to a curious kind of peace within myself.

One of the hardest realizations that I finally came to terms with was my aromantic identity. There’s seems to be an amazing amount of confusion about aromantics, in general, and aromantic asexuals, in particular.

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My Thoughts on Orlando and Christian Responses

My heart goes out to all the families of those lost in the Orlando incident as well as those injured and their families. So many times we are prone to divide ourselves and see incidents such as this one as an attack on the black community, an attack on the Christian community and in this case an attack on the LGBT community rather than uniting and seeing it as an attack on humanity. I have LGBT friends, supposed I went with one to a gay club, there was a shooting and I got killed. I surely am not homosexual. And I highly doubt everyone there was. Also it was said that the shooter pledged allegiance to ISIS. As not only a non-Muslim, but as a Christian female, I can just as easily be targeted. That is why I agreed with the comments on the news that “We’re all Americans despite our beliefs etc” (I’m not American btw). That incident should prick the heart of every American.

The Christian community needs to really reach out at this time, not in acceptance of homosexuality, but in showing love and compassion towards the LGBT community. I am seeing some hateful,sinful, biblically inaccurate comments from those who profess to be Christian. I know some of these folks think they mean well but what they are doing is driving LGBT members away from the gospel of Christ. And this shows how Satan works, he mixes in the truth with a lie, because if I was not aware of what the Bible said not only about homosexuality but about sin in general I could’ve easily been one of those individuals. But tell me, how much I would have to hate you to believe all the things I do about God, paradise, eternal life etc and not share the gospel of Christ which gave me access to all these good things, with you? Christians are to preach the truth in love.

I am going to tell you this now. I don’t see my LGBT friends and family members as LGBT, but as humans. All humans are sinners. All humans have a sin nature and are bound to sinful natures. But the sins we specifically have desire towards are different for every person. You do not choose which desires you have. You choose whether or not you act upon those desires that you have. As human beings enslaved to sin, the choice of whether to act on these sinful desires or not can be very difficult. Sin is our nature. We are naturally inclined towards sin. Choosing righteousness is the real choice. Sin isn’t.

I am a sinner. You are a sinner. We are all sinners. Even if someone was not a homosexual, they would still be a sinner.They would still be accountable to God. Just like I am. And being only 18 years old and having been a Christian for almost a decade, I can easily see myself as a good person. I have not done that much that society considers bad but I don’t hold myself to only society’s ever-changing standards. I hold myself to God’s standards. And when I judge myself against God’s law I know how bad of a person I actually am.

The purpose of God’s law is not to save anybody or to make anyone righteous in the eyes of God by keeping His law. Sin is the transgression or the breaking of God’s law. The purpose of the law is to fully inform us of our sinful state before God and that the whole world may be guilty before God. After realizing how sinful we are, then we look to Jesus Christ to save us because we acknowledge we are sinners, we have broken God’s law and that the penalty for breaking God’s law is both physical and spiritual death.

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

The link above will direct you to a page which goes in depth on what is the gospel or good news of Christ.

To believe on Christ is to not merely believe in his existence. There is a misconception that you go to hell just because you don’t believe Jesus existed, not true. Hell or the lake of fire is the penalty for sin. Hell was originally created for the angels who had sinned against God because God is just and He must punish sin. Now each angel had the choice within himself whether to commit sin or not. Humans are born with a sin nature that is passed down all the way from Adam to our parents and to us. God had promised the coming of the Messiah in the garden of Eden soon after the sin of Adam and Eve. The purpose of Christ’s death on the cross was to be a substitute, the sacrificial Lamb of God, as God had stated in the Old Testament that only blood can atone for sin. So Christ being fully God (the Son) and fully man, made an infinite atonement for all of mankind. No man can atone for sin with his own blood because man is a finite being and sin is committed not only against his fellow finite neighbour but also against an infinite holy God. God took our sins and placed them upon Jesus Christ and poured out His wrath against sin on His only begotten Son. Jesus was the only man to walk the earth that kept every single commandment of God and was completely perfect in His ways. Jesus asked His disciples to preach the gospel to ALL nations so that EVERYONE can have forgiven of their sins. But you have to personally choose to trust in Christ and what He did on the cross for you. When you accept the gospel of Christ, the righteousness of Christ is imputed unto you, that means everything that Christ did on earth, all His good works and how He kept all the commandments of God is added to your record in heaven. This makes you righteousness in the eyes of God so God no longer sees you as sinner.

Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace ye are saved through faith; and not that of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast.


A Personal Reflection on Platonic Life Partnerships

The Thinking Aro

My aunt is in a long-term, emotionally exclusive, committed platonic partnership. She’s a heterosexual woman. Her platonic partner is a heterosexual man. They’ve been living together for over 10 years. They have never engaged in sexual activity.

Their relationship is a radical one for several reasons: it’s an example of cross-sex friendship that did not start in sexuality or include it later on, it’s an example of two sexual people in a primary nonsexual and nonromantic relationship, it’s an example of a platonic partnership that has enjoyed emotional exclusivity despite the fact both people in it are romantic and yet not romantically involved with each other (for all intents and purposes), it’s an example of a heterosexual man finding happiness in a nonsexual partnership (in general and with a woman), etc.

My aunt and her partner are now in their early 50s; they met in their early 40s. Thus, they’d…

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How One Romantic Guy Grumbled His Way to a Nonromantic Partnership

The Thinking Aro

While waiting in a Starbucks over the weekend, I decided to peruse the New York Times Sunday paper, as I often do when I’ve got access to it. The NYT has a column called Modern Love, which is published in the Sunday edition paper and online. The column features stories about different kinds of relationships, submitted by readers from all over the country. This week’s essay, by Ephi Stempler, is titled “Platonic, Until Death Do Us Part,” and tells the story of Stempler’s intimate friendship with a woman named Marisa. Stempler is a gay man, and Marisa is a straight woman. Now in their early 40s, they met in their mid-20s, and their friendship has survived numerous failed romantic relationships in each of their lives. Marisa has two children. Stempler has never been married, and Marisa is divorced. The way their story ends is with Marisa asking Stempler…

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A Letter to M

Dear M,

It was never love at first sight. When I had first laid eyes on you I never took any special liking to you. After all, you were two school years below me and I had always known you as “S’ little brother”. That’s all you were to me. The circumstances provided no way for us to develop any sort of relationship with each other. Though in such close proximity within a small educational institution, we belonged to two separate worlds. I knew of your existence but I never gave you much thought. After 2014, everything changed. Your best friend became romantically attracted to me so you started coming around. Then, you and my best friend become romantically attracted to each other as well which led to us spending more time together. These circumstances caused our relationship grow from just mere acquaintances to people who communicate, though not intimately, but regularly. But even then I still felt no unusual attraction towards you. You were my casual friend, my boyfriend’s best-friend and my best-friend’s romantic interest. However, I did begin to notice that you were a cool person and even an awesome person at that.

Then I was informed about what you went through, how it changed your outlook on life and made your soul become darker, I discovered that you did not have the perfect life, nothing was handed to you, you had to work hard to survive and you’re still working hard to make a name for yourself. That is when I first became attracted to you. It was the strangest thing I’ve ever felt. I felt that I could relate to you. I wanted to become close to you. I wanted to be there for you. I wanted to love you. I came to realize more and more what a dark beautiful soul you were and how much I wanted to love that dark soul of yours with every fiber of my being. There was not anything you asked me to do or to give that I would refuse to do or give once I was able to. I wanted to love you the very way that Christ commanded me to love my neighbour.


Despite my desire to form a close, loving, intimate relationship with you and despite me trying to show you through my actions that I cared deeply for you, our relationship  remained a distant, casual one for months. But I guess you knew I cared somehow but you just weren’t ready to open up yet. So in the shadows I stood, cheering you on from the sidelines, desiring for you to win, desiring for you to be happy.

And then something happened. Our conversations became longer. You shared a tiny bit more information with me. But still we weren’t there.

Then my birthday came and you messaged me. You held a conversation. We talked for the whole day, our conversations became deep and this continued throughout the summer. Finally we were close friends and I was able to tell you how I feel about you, how I was drawn to you and felt the need to be by your side, caring for you and supporting you. My love for you drew stronger and more intense, you became my top priority and could even be considered my guy best-friend. But at the height of our friendship we were now separated, you went to 6th form (A-levels) and I had just left 6th form at our Alma Mater to attend the University of the West Indies so we had to wait a few months until school had ended to see each other again. We were no longer hanging out as a group but as a trio (me and your best-friend broke up but you and my best-friend were still infatuated with each other after a whole year) and we met up at her house. For the first time, I really held you. After months of being emotionally intimate, we were now also physically close. I felt so safe and peaceful with you. I have never felt more joy and euphoria when lying in someone’s arms as I have felt while in yours. You make me feel alive.

I felt torn between you and my best-friend because you two both wanted different things and I knew you both can only be happy apart from each other. It was hard to please both of you. My best-friend decided she was going to stop waiting for you and move on. And you were left with only me by your side.The same way I was left with only you by my side after your best-friend broke up with me. Maybe we were meant to be constant. So I’ll be here as your queerplatonic partner, as your anime marathon buddy, your cuddle buddy and whatever you need me to be (except your smash buddy lol…unless we talking Super Mario Bros).

I want to do life with you. I want to live with you in a nice little house, somewhere quiet, so I can see you and be with you everyday. Luckily, you agreed to this idea. Me and you, in a committed, non-romantic partnership. And the struggle with being both aromantic sexual and Christian is that in order to fulfill my desire for sex, I need to get married. But my love for you even has me thinking that I should remain celibate, because getting married in an amatonormative culture can really mess with our arrangement.

I’m in love with you. And you don’t have to be alarmed at me saying this because you know what I mean. For me, there is no experience of romantic love, I’m aromantic. For me, love is love, there is no romantic vs platonic love. For me, love is unconditional, love is an action, love is a choice. And I choose to be by your side forever. I love you M and no matter what I always will.

Yours sincerely,

Your nonromantic love

& possibly 1st girl to have a squish on you




For the Christian, this is an accurate statement. Our body is the temple of God because upon becoming children of God through faith in Christ, the Holy Spirit dwells within us.
1 Cor 3:16
Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?

It teaches us all things (John 14:26) and makes intercession for us with groanings that cannot be uttered (Romans 8:26). It also leads the Christian in obedience towards the Lord (Ezekiel 36:27)
Romans 8:9,14
9 But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his.
14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.

We often hear the statement “Our body is the temple of God” in regards to our eating habits and acts such as printing marks on our body. But the act that God asks us to refrain from because our bodies are his temple is not eating junk food, drinking alcohol or getting tattoos. Yes, these can be abstained from but we forget what the word of God says about a very popular act that the majority take part in…FORNICATION which can be summarized as all sex outside of marriage (premarital sex, adultery, homosexuality, incest etc)
1 Cor 6:18-20
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without (outside) the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.

God knows the dangers of sin and this is why he warns his children to flee!
Religion says: sex is GROSS
World says: sex is GOD
God says: sex is GIFT to be enjoyed in the context of marriage.

It is important for the child of God to remember that there is no sin that cannot be forgiven. We all fall short of the glory of God. But as a believer in Christ when we fall, God picks us back up, we can always confess our sins, ask for his forgiveness and the strength to resist sin’s temptations.
1 John 1:8-9
If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Loving You…In the Least Romantic Way Possible

So yesterday, I decided to send my friends a photo expressing my love for them, and one guy replied that telling him “I love you nonromantically” was a contradiction because love is romance to which I responded “Wow, you’re very amatonormative”. He also went on further to equate sex with love. I pointed him to Google to look up the definition of amatonormativity and this guy totally defends it by saying that all humans want love and I just view it differently because I’m religious.

I pointed out:

  • Sex and love are two different and separate things.
  • Most people tend to have sex for mere pleasure.
  • Some people engage in romantic relationships, not even for romance or love but because they desire sex and view the fulfillment of this desire most appropriate within a romantic relationship. These relationships should however be specifically labelled as “romantic-sexual” relationships.
  • Sexual desire and the desire to be loved are also two different things. All humans may desire love in general, but not all humans want romantic love or to “fall in love” and not all humans experience romantic attraction or romantic love (the existence of aromantics prove this). All humans do not desire sex (partnered sex to be more specific) either and the existence of asexuals further proves this point. However, sexual people may not desire sex for other reasons and whatever reasons they are, all are valid and we have no right to say they are broken and need fixing. That’s up to them.
  • Romance can exist without sex. (Main proof- romantic asexuals)
  • Sex can exist without romance. (Main proof-aromantic sexuals)

He still did not get my point because he kept arguing that I will always have a different perspective because I’m religious. Yes, I personally believe that sex is for marriage but I understand those points I made above and with him being someone who is sex-crazed and having constant casual sex I expected he would too. But that’s just another example of romantic-sexual relationship hierarchy in society. He is still chasing the “one”.

Meanwhile, I’ll be taking a nap. See you soon.6358903275513744801868687840_tumblr_nirm5gdkuC1trefrto1_500