The Secularization of School Systems in Barbados

N.B. Links are inserted throughout the post that can be opened in a new tab. These are important as they aid in one’s understanding of the topic and related themes.

“Cut out the religious mumbo jumbo!”- Political Scientist Dr. Tennyson Joseph

In the  article posted by Barbados Today, we were exposed to Dr. Joseph’s belief that “a universally accepted secular curriculum would eradicate any conflicts which may exist for non-Christian members of the island’s increasingly diverse society.” Therefore, he proposed an end to “Christian” teaching in schools. However, he still held homeschool to be an option for those with different beliefs.

I interviewed a few people to gather their views on his position. An agnostic stated that there should be secular schools but also religious schools which cater to children from households of specific religions. In secular schools, all religions can be together without for example, a Muslim child having to be in a Christian assembly. An atheist was also of similar opinion, stating that while he thought it a fine idea to remove religion from schools it would only be legitimate if it was replaced by the teaching of morals, togetherness and unity. However, many Christians believe removing “God” would lead to the depraved society. I stated my position on a Facebook thread:

I don’t believe religion ever had a place in the educational system. An unregenerate society with “morals” is still in danger of hellfire. After all the religious education and prayers in the morning, we still have a society that needs to be preached the gospel of Christ. Claiming Christianity is part of the educational system is also damaging as well; as I am sure you have seen the mixed messages in school where we have “sermons” in the morning, then wukking up on stage in the evening and other worldly messages being preached at the same time. What view does this give the society about Christianity? How does this portray our Saviour? That He delights in the mixing of good and evil? That He is of the world? You have to admit that trying to place Christianity within the world system does more harm to its reputation

Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. 17And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever. 1 John 2:15-17

In this the children of God are manifest, and the children of the devil: whosoever doeth not righteousness is not of God, neither he that loveth not his brother. 11For this is the message that ye heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. 12Not as Cain, who was of that wicked one, and slew his brother. And wherefore slew he him? Because his own works were evil, and his brother’s righteous. 13Marvel not, my brethren, if the world hate you. 1 John 3:10-13

18If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. 19If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you. 20Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also. 21But all these things will they do unto you for my name’s sake, because they know not him that sent me.John 15:18-21

Last time I checked, Barbadian society was part of the world.

I begin with these well known verses among those in the church to show the irony of Christians desiring acceptance within the world and expecting a positive view of true Biblical Christianity within any society. The apparent religious atmosphere of this Caribbean nation has fooled many, both Christians and non-Christians, for too long.

From studying this verse in the Christian Bible, which I dearly believe to be the infallible  word of God, and my observance of society, I have come to the conclusion that the claim that Barbados is a Christian nation is quite erroneous. Unless Christians raise money to buy our own island, there will never be such thing as a Christian nation. When judged in line of scripture or by anyone well versed in Christian theology and philosophy, Barbadian society becomes a secular society, comprising of inconsistent deists and theists who are somewhat ignorant of religion, especially Christianity. Moral Therapeutic Deism is the true religion of Barbadian society. This belief system dominates our island and we falsely label it Christianity.  The “God” of Bajans is a deistic god.If the secularization of educational curriculum would rid this island of this religion I certainly approve of the idea. Atheism is highly tolerated more than deism and false Christianity in my thoughts. I prefer atheists who merely disbelieve Christianity than those who align themselves with it, spread heresy and result in false portrayals of Christianity. I’d take Richard Dawkins over Joel Osteen anyday.

This is not the God who thunders from the mountain, nor a God who will serve as judge. This undemanding deity is more interested in solving our problems and in making people happy. “In short, God is something like a combination Divine Butler and Cosmic Therapist: he is always on call, takes care of any problems that arise, professionally helps his people to feel better about themselves, and does not become too personally involved in the process.”

Obviously, Moralistic Therapeutic Deism is not an organized faith. This belief system has no denominational headquarters and no mailing address. Nevertheless, it has millions and millions of devotees across the United States and other advanced cultures, where subtle cultural shifts have produced a context in which belief in such an undemanding deity makes sense. Furthermore, this deity does not challenge the most basic self-centered assumptions of our postmodern age. Particularly when it comes to so-called “lifestyle” issues, this God is exceedingly tolerant and this religion is radically undemanding


Barbadians align themselves with Christianity and profess a belief in Jesus Christ because Christianity has been erroneously taught in the schools and even within our churches. Jesus is not who you think he is. He was not a passive, soft, nice guy. In fact, he was very confrontational and this society would hate him because he would not stand for our BS. Let’s make it clear, the scriptures testify of who Jesus is. The Gospels contained in the New Testament of the Christian tell us of his character, his ministry, his teachings etc. Any beliefs that oppose what the Christian Bible says about Jesus are false. The absence of these biblical writings does not mean that Christ absolutely ceases to exist, it just means that we would not know him, we would only know of him, so unless you have studied the scriptures you only know of Jesus (his existence), you don’t know him. Disbelief/ignorance of the Bible while claiming knowledge of how Jesus was, how he lived, his teachings etc leads to inconsistencies and errors. That is why many are deceived, they don’t read and study the scriptures. I know many of you claim a belief in Jesus yet you deny the authority of scriptures and declare the holy scriptures as being written by men. So you dismiss the Bible while stating “Oh I just believe in a god of love.” but how can you know this god is a god of love if he never revealed himself to mankind, allowing you to know of this characteristics, his laws for humanity etc. Not to mention that you borrow this characteristic of your deistic god from the God of Christianity which is revealed in the holy scriptures. Therefore you are an inconsistent deist and your belief system doesn’t even account for morality either. You create a god in your own image.
A Deist can’t assert anything about their god, since their god never revealed themselves to anyone. In Deism, there can be no objective morality, as there isn’t any objective moral standard revealed by their god. Some may argue that morality was placed in our hearts by this Deistic god, but they have no way of knowing if that’s actually the case, due to a lack of any sort of revelation. Deism has basically the same issues concerning morality (and other things) as Atheism. Most of the same arguments you can use against Atheism can be used against Deism.
Sorry I got carried away, as this post is mainly about stating my reason for approving of a fully secular curriculum in our school systems and why my fellow Christians should not be alarmed with this move. After all we are called to preach the gospel of Christ and make disciples, this was never the job of the state but the duty of the Christian church.
The reason that religion is so involved in our educational system is because the churches started the first schools, even offered free education to the slaves (to the dismay of the white planter class) as soon as they were freed. When studied in light of scripture a lot of these churches were actually not Christian, such as the Catholic Church, the Anglican church etc, but apparently once you say the name of Jesus people automatically classify you as Christian. No, Catholicism is not the mother of Christianity, Bible-believing Christians believe it to be the Whore of Babylon, it commanded the death of true Christians and other horrendous acts. Since Anglicanism is Catholicism’s slightly rebellious twin sister that its parents allowed the privilege of divorce, I do not approve of Anglicanism either. Even the churches that Barbados clings so dearly to fail the test of the holy scriptures. How can a society align itself with religions and concepts it is ignorant of just because of a few prayers at a morning assembly and some inspirational messages dressed up with a smear of “Christianity”. Religious education does not make one Christian nor does it make one an expert in Christian theology, granting one the capability to teach about Jehovah and the Christ.
Religion in schools is dead. And those Christians who claim this will create a less moral society do err because the purpose of Christianity is not to create a moral society, but to quicken unregenerate individuals who are dead in trespasses and sins. Good works and commandment keeping are a wretch to the unregenerate soul. They act as painkillers, deceiving the user to think they are getting better when in fact they are still sick, still dead in trespasses and sin. They make the user appear healthy while their insides are still plagued. Only being born again brings true healing to the soul, rather than trying to treat the outward signs of a sinful wicked heart, upon accepting the gospel of Christ, God gives the Christian a new heart, a new nature that hates sin and desires to do that which is pleasing to God.  Romans 8:1-14
Compare our society to that of America, where the curriculum is secular, there are no assemblies or prayers in  most schools and evolution is taught. You might argue that America is more depraved due to these factors but both societies are unregenerate, Barbados just uses religion and good works as a painkiller. We are like unto Pharisees, allowing our self-righteousness to fool us that we are at right standing with God. Therefore the removal of religion does not make a difference. Jehovah God is a holy, righteous God. He demands sinless perfection from us but we all have broken his laws, our sins separate us from our Creator and therefore we cannot be righteous in his eyes by our own works, that is why the vicarious atonement of Christ is vital to  salvation.  The gospel of Christ is good news. Christians cannot depend on the world to teach that which the scriptures speak of it hating. We have to share the truth of God’s word ourselves.We have to teach the righteousness and live lives that proclaim the glory of Christ. Love out neighbours as we love ourselves. Get drawn into God’s word and follow his will.
No more watered down wannabe sermons in our school auditoriums.

My Thoughts on Orlando and Christian Responses

My heart goes out to all the families of those lost in the Orlando incident as well as those injured and their families. So many times we are prone to divide ourselves and see incidents such as this one as an attack on the black community, an attack on the Christian community and in this case an attack on the LGBT community rather than uniting and seeing it as an attack on humanity. I have LGBT friends, supposed I went with one to a gay club, there was a shooting and I got killed. I surely am not homosexual. And I highly doubt everyone there was. Also it was said that the shooter pledged allegiance to ISIS. As not only a non-Muslim, but as a Christian female, I can just as easily be targeted. That is why I agreed with the comments on the news that “We’re all Americans despite our beliefs etc” (I’m not American btw). That incident should prick the heart of every American.

The Christian community needs to really reach out at this time, not in acceptance of homosexuality, but in showing love and compassion towards the LGBT community. I am seeing some hateful,sinful, biblically inaccurate comments from those who profess to be Christian. I know some of these folks think they mean well but what they are doing is driving LGBT members away from the gospel of Christ. And this shows how Satan works, he mixes in the truth with a lie, because if I was not aware of what the Bible said not only about homosexuality but about sin in general I could’ve easily been one of those individuals. But tell me, how much I would have to hate you to believe all the things I do about God, paradise, eternal life etc and not share the gospel of Christ which gave me access to all these good things, with you? Christians are to preach the truth in love.

I am going to tell you this now. I don’t see my LGBT friends and family members as LGBT, but as humans. All humans are sinners. All humans have a sin nature and are bound to sinful natures. But the sins we specifically have desire towards are different for every person. You do not choose which desires you have. You choose whether or not you act upon those desires that you have. As human beings enslaved to sin, the choice of whether to act on these sinful desires or not can be very difficult. Sin is our nature. We are naturally inclined towards sin. Choosing righteousness is the real choice. Sin isn’t.

I am a sinner. You are a sinner. We are all sinners. Even if someone was not a homosexual, they would still be a sinner.They would still be accountable to God. Just like I am. And being only 18 years old and having been a Christian for almost a decade, I can easily see myself as a good person. I have not done that much that society considers bad but I don’t hold myself to only society’s ever-changing standards. I hold myself to God’s standards. And when I judge myself against God’s law I know how bad of a person I actually am.

The purpose of God’s law is not to save anybody or to make anyone righteous in the eyes of God by keeping His law. Sin is the transgression or the breaking of God’s law. The purpose of the law is to fully inform us of our sinful state before God and that the whole world may be guilty before God. After realizing how sinful we are, then we look to Jesus Christ to save us because we acknowledge we are sinners, we have broken God’s law and that the penalty for breaking God’s law is both physical and spiritual death.

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

The link above will direct you to a page which goes in depth on what is the gospel or good news of Christ.

To believe on Christ is to not merely believe in his existence. There is a misconception that you go to hell just because you don’t believe Jesus existed, not true. Hell or the lake of fire is the penalty for sin. Hell was originally created for the angels who had sinned against God because God is just and He must punish sin. Now each angel had the choice within himself whether to commit sin or not. Humans are born with a sin nature that is passed down all the way from Adam to our parents and to us. God had promised the coming of the Messiah in the garden of Eden soon after the sin of Adam and Eve. The purpose of Christ’s death on the cross was to be a substitute, the sacrificial Lamb of God, as God had stated in the Old Testament that only blood can atone for sin. So Christ being fully God (the Son) and fully man, made an infinite atonement for all of mankind. No man can atone for sin with his own blood because man is a finite being and sin is committed not only against his fellow finite neighbour but also against an infinite holy God. God took our sins and placed them upon Jesus Christ and poured out His wrath against sin on His only begotten Son. Jesus was the only man to walk the earth that kept every single commandment of God and was completely perfect in His ways. Jesus asked His disciples to preach the gospel to ALL nations so that EVERYONE can have forgiven of their sins. But you have to personally choose to trust in Christ and what He did on the cross for you. When you accept the gospel of Christ, the righteousness of Christ is imputed unto you, that means everything that Christ did on earth, all His good works and how He kept all the commandments of God is added to your record in heaven. This makes you righteousness in the eyes of God so God no longer sees you as sinner.

Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace ye are saved through faith; and not that of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast.


A Letter to M

Dear M,

It was never love at first sight. When I had first laid eyes on you I never took any special liking to you. After all, you were two school years below me and I had always known you as “S’ little brother”. That’s all you were to me. The circumstances provided no way for us to develop any sort of relationship with each other. Though in such close proximity within a small educational institution, we belonged to two separate worlds. I knew of your existence but I never gave you much thought. After 2014, everything changed. Your best friend became romantically attracted to me so you started coming around. Then, you and my best friend become romantically attracted to each other as well which led to us spending more time together. These circumstances caused our relationship grow from just mere acquaintances to people who communicate, though not intimately, but regularly. But even then I still felt no unusual attraction towards you. You were my casual friend, my boyfriend’s best-friend and my best-friend’s romantic interest. However, I did begin to notice that you were a cool person and even an awesome person at that.

Then I was informed about what you went through, how it changed your outlook on life and made your soul become darker, I discovered that you did not have the perfect life, nothing was handed to you, you had to work hard to survive and you’re still working hard to make a name for yourself. That is when I first became attracted to you. It was the strangest thing I’ve ever felt. I felt that I could relate to you. I wanted to become close to you. I wanted to be there for you. I wanted to love you. I came to realize more and more what a dark beautiful soul you were and how much I wanted to love that dark soul of yours with every fiber of my being. There was not anything you asked me to do or to give that I would refuse to do or give once I was able to. I wanted to love you the very way that Christ commanded me to love my neighbour.


Despite my desire to form a close, loving, intimate relationship with you and despite me trying to show you through my actions that I cared deeply for you, our relationship  remained a distant, casual one for months. But I guess you knew I cared somehow but you just weren’t ready to open up yet. So in the shadows I stood, cheering you on from the sidelines, desiring for you to win, desiring for you to be happy.

And then something happened. Our conversations became longer. You shared a tiny bit more information with me. But still we weren’t there.

Then my birthday came and you messaged me. You held a conversation. We talked for the whole day, our conversations became deep and this continued throughout the summer. Finally we were close friends and I was able to tell you how I feel about you, how I was drawn to you and felt the need to be by your side, caring for you and supporting you. My love for you drew stronger and more intense, you became my top priority and could even be considered my guy best-friend. But at the height of our friendship we were now separated, you went to 6th form (A-levels) and I had just left 6th form at our Alma Mater to attend the University of the West Indies so we had to wait a few months until school had ended to see each other again. We were no longer hanging out as a group but as a trio (me and your best-friend broke up but you and my best-friend were still infatuated with each other after a whole year) and we met up at her house. For the first time, I really held you. After months of being emotionally intimate, we were now also physically close. I felt so safe and peaceful with you. I have never felt more joy and euphoria when lying in someone’s arms as I have felt while in yours. You make me feel alive.

I felt torn between you and my best-friend because you two both wanted different things and I knew you both can only be happy apart from each other. It was hard to please both of you. My best-friend decided she was going to stop waiting for you and move on. And you were left with only me by your side.The same way I was left with only you by my side after your best-friend broke up with me. Maybe we were meant to be constant. So I’ll be here as your queerplatonic partner, as your anime marathon buddy, your cuddle buddy and whatever you need me to be (except your smash buddy lol…unless we talking Super Mario Bros).

I want to do life with you. I want to live with you in a nice little house, somewhere quiet, so I can see you and be with you everyday. Luckily, you agreed to this idea. Me and you, in a committed, non-romantic partnership. And the struggle with being both aromantic sexual and Christian is that in order to fulfill my desire for sex, I need to get married. But my love for you even has me thinking that I should remain celibate, because getting married in an amatonormative culture can really mess with our arrangement.

I’m in love with you. And you don’t have to be alarmed at me saying this because you know what I mean. For me, there is no experience of romantic love, I’m aromantic. For me, love is love, there is no romantic vs platonic love. For me, love is unconditional, love is an action, love is a choice. And I choose to be by your side forever. I love you M and no matter what I always will.

Yours sincerely,

Your nonromantic love

& possibly 1st girl to have a squish on you




For the Christian, this is an accurate statement. Our body is the temple of God because upon becoming children of God through faith in Christ, the Holy Spirit dwells within us.
1 Cor 3:16
Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?

It teaches us all things (John 14:26) and makes intercession for us with groanings that cannot be uttered (Romans 8:26). It also leads the Christian in obedience towards the Lord (Ezekiel 36:27)
Romans 8:9,14
9 But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his.
14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.

We often hear the statement “Our body is the temple of God” in regards to our eating habits and acts such as printing marks on our body. But the act that God asks us to refrain from because our bodies are his temple is not eating junk food, drinking alcohol or getting tattoos. Yes, these can be abstained from but we forget what the word of God says about a very popular act that the majority take part in…FORNICATION which can be summarized as all sex outside of marriage (premarital sex, adultery, homosexuality, incest etc)
1 Cor 6:18-20
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without (outside) the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.

God knows the dangers of sin and this is why he warns his children to flee!
Religion says: sex is GROSS
World says: sex is GOD
God says: sex is GIFT to be enjoyed in the context of marriage.

It is important for the child of God to remember that there is no sin that cannot be forgiven. We all fall short of the glory of God. But as a believer in Christ when we fall, God picks us back up, we can always confess our sins, ask for his forgiveness and the strength to resist sin’s temptations.
1 John 1:8-9
If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.


1 Thes 4:2-5
For ye know what commandments we gave you by the Lord Jesus.
For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: that every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour;
Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God.

If you are a Christian and someone won’t honour your decision to keep God’s will in abstaining from sexual relations outside of marriage then you need to let that person go. God didn’t send them. Walking outside the will of God is a very dangerous thing. Blessings come as a result of obedience.
As children of God we should strive to grow and become more and more like Christ. Though the Spirit of God dwells in the believer and carries out various functions in our lives as Christians, the believer can quench the Holy Spirit through disobedience to God’s word and refusing to walk in his will. Every Christian needs to understand the battle between their flesh and its sinful desires and the Spirit within them. The flesh is the reason why believers, although saved, still struggle with sin. The flesh, being our old man, is enmity against God, it is not subject to the law of God and neither can be. So those that are in the flesh can never please God (Romans 8:7-8).
This is why Christians are commanded:
Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lusts of the flesh.
For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.
Gal 5:16-17
It continues on in Vs 18 to list the works of flesh, one of these works being fornication.

The Christian desires to follow God and obey him because upon believing in Christ, his spirit is regenerate, it is no longer contrary to God but his flesh still is. The level of obedience a Christian has towards God is determined by how much he chooses to walk in the Spirit and die to his flesh and its sinful desires daily.

I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me. For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: but I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from this body of death?
I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin. (Romans 7:21-25)

Always remember that you can always receive God’s forgiveness for your sins and if you have not made the decision to become a believer in Christ and receive his salvation and grab hold of all the promises in God’s word for those that come to him you can always do so.

Behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation (2 Cor 6:2b)13012791_1327587063921966_3558208322356070102_n

Aromantic or Romantic LateBloomer

I have had four known crushes in my life between the ages of 7-13. Anything afterwards seemed like a blur. When I was 14, I had my first boyfriend and I did get involved in ‘relationships’ with guys afterwards. But these relationships never felt right to me. It seemed as if the feelings I had for these guys was merely that I felt for casual friends. But there were a few guys who I stayed with long enough to develop some emotional connection and looking back I think  what made me sad when we broke up was that I would no longer be given that sort of attention and ‘intimacy’. Hard to explain.But I never felt actual breakup pain until my last relationship ended. I was with a guy for 13 months and I think he is the first guy I probably liked because we were close and intimate with each other and it would hurt whenever he was being distant cause I really just wanted him to hold me and carry on a long deep conversation with me like he was my best friend. Then there was a guy I broke up with because I just could not find myself attracted to him. He was just like a friend to me. Though we did have a close friendship with each other which led to him developing feelings and asking me to be his gf and because he was a cool guy I saw no problem. I started to feel like something was wrong with me and a big problem I had was being unable to differentiate between whether I was ‘in love’ with someone or just loved them intensely as a friend. This first presented itself in a close friendship I developed with a guy when I was 16. I didn’t have a ‘squish’ on him from the beginning but I drew to love him a lot and started to question if I was ‘in love’ with him. But he was not the first guy I have loved immensely. The first guy was my best friend K. We would talk to each other for hours and make lists of stuff we wanted to do together like moving in an one bedroom apartment and going skinny dipping. There was nothing we couldn’t tell each other and we were very intimate both emotionally and physically. The entire school thought we were dating and I actually hang out with a group of guys and I still do as I find forming friendships with males easier and more fulfilling. I love guys! The end of our closeness was my first heartbreak and I have never experienced anything such then. We grew apart because he developed romantic feelings for a close friend and focused all of his attention on her instead. But he noticed how this had hurt our friendship and apologized but since then we were never able to get back to where we were. However, I have the same love for him and we still can tell each other everything it’s just we don’t talk frequently. But we still spent time together and share that physical intimacy (holding hands, cuddling, kissing). I actually share physical intimacy with majority of my friends even if I don’t have that emotional closeness, I’m still a very affectionate person and enjoy cuddling with and kissing my friends. I really love touch.

However, I developed my first squish on a guy known as M in late 2014. He was the best friend of my last boyfriend and my best female friend had a crush on him so we usually spent casual time together due to the circumstances. I actually only found out what a squish was and that the definition fit this strange feeling I got which I defined as being ‘platonically in love’ with someone about 3 days ago. I had this immense attraction to this guy and I wanted to play a great role in his life; I got jealous when I saw another girl refer to him as her best friend because that is what I wanted to be. I wanted to be very close and intimate with him. After some failed attempts in forming a close bond with him, our friendship blossomed quickly over the last 2 weeks of the summer (I was still in a ‘romantic relationship with his best male friend) and we became close friends. I revealed how I really felt about him. I really love this guy. N.B Both of us were in romantic relationships for the first few months of our friendship. After forming our close friendship I did not see him for 5 months until we met up at my best friend’s house on Boxing Day. The joy that can be felt just lying in the arms of a close friend and having that physical intimacy is like a touch of heaven. I can’t wait to see him again. A time at my house we were watching TV, he was lying in my arms and holding my hands and every once in while we would just stare into one another’s eyes…then he actually kissed me on the lips. Knowing the nature of our friendship, I thought nothing romantic of this gesture and I returned the kiss. He also almost gave me a hickey. Hilariously, he only remembered this act about two months later and was confused. I told him that our friendship is already so inappropriate when judged by society’s conventional standards that a kiss on the lips is nothing.  Next time. we meet I want to discuss the whole queerplatonic thing with him and see how he reacts.

I’ve developed a 2nd squish this year and it’s still a work in progress but my feelings for him aren’t as intense as they were at the beginning for M.

I never really understood the point of ‘falling in love’ and I could never see the difference between platonic love and  romantic love. I just saw love as love and as a sexual person told myself that actual love between a romantic couple was just the same love between friends but paired with sexual attraction. When asked if I would marry without being ‘in love’ I responded yes because I know that I can love someone intensely, be intimate emotionally, physically and sexually and spend my life growing with this person without being in love with them. N.B. As a sexual person I still want my sexual relations to be within a committed relationship. I just want that connection with someone because I love being close and intimate. Without this real love, the romantic relationship would just be based on chemical reactions in the brain and there would be no true love where you choose to love someone unconditionally and be there for them no matter what. Basically we are to love all people the same. People prioritizing romantic relationships over those they have with friends and family never made sense to me. My romantic homosexual brother keeps saying that he needs someone to love him and that he needs to find love etc…and all the other dumb amatonormative phrases and I’m annoyed to hear all of them. Why not focus on your friends and family? When I read The Thinking Aro’s post on relationship anarchy I realized I always felt that way.

When I learned about amatonormativity, aromanticism, queerplatonic relationships and relationship anarchy a few days ago I felt like something clicked and I’ve been conflicted within myself and asking myself questions everysince. I’m single right now for several reasons: I’m actually a Christian and I’m waiting to meet someone that sort of shares my beliefs to settle down with, I’m testing myself to see if I am capable of falling in love without any pressure or other factors screwing with my judgement. I don’t see a need for a romantic relationship if I can have this intimacy with a friend.

Hopefully I can learn more about who I am.

You Are Loved

Have you ever felt worthless? Like you’re just this big complete failure? Well, I do. All the time. I swear the feeling never goes away. I just burst out in tears remembering the days when my mom would hurl insults at me, telling me how stupid I am, I remember writing little suicide notes in the back of my notebook during class, I remember being bullied by girls in my class for almost two years. Things have gotten better, my relationship with my mom is better, those girls stopped bullying me years ago but I can’t really say my suicidal thoughts are gone. Sometimes I just feel like giving up. I want anyone out there who is suffering with depression, suicidal thoughts or any form of anxiety ( Tumblr has led me to believe I have social anxiety disorder oh tumblr) to know that there is hope. Know that you are loved. I love you. There are people that care. There are people that will love you completely, even those little things about yourself that you might find so annoying, someone else might embrace completely. Hang in there my friend. And after all, God loves you, so much that He sent His only begotten Son to die for your sins so that you may be reconciled to Him.